Lately, I had been very unhappy. Most everything seemed to be going wrong, except when it came to school. I felt like a floundering fish in terms of making progress in my walk with the LORD. I was digressing--being increasingly irritable, giving in to frequent outbursts of anger, and bickering with Zelda over petty little things.Yesterday afternoon, Mom, Zelda and I had a long discussion. We were able to hash some things out, and I was able to learn a few things, but even so, I felt so depressed. I would go from not wanting to try anymore to wanting to overcome through Christ. Unfortunately, in that tug of war, the former more or less won out.
When Mom left for work that night, Zelda and I were, I think, both a bit discouraged. Remembering what Mom had said earlier about our needing to be cheerful Christians, I started speaking in a positive, hopeful manner, expecting that my sister would join me and we could build each other up. Well, it didn't turn out that way. She would give an unhappy "yeah" or a little laugh to whatever I said. Regrettably, it made me angry, and I said to her, "This is what I mean when I say I try to be happy, and you don't do anything!"
"I'm sorry, Jean. Sometimes I just don't feel like talking," she said.
"That seems like never these days!" I shot back.
After a while I apologized, and sought to continue on being cheerful, even though tears were streaming down my face. It was no easy task. Zelda wasn't saying anything at all, and to be honest, I felt very foolish sitting there and speaking about Bible promises and heaven in the first place, because my feelings were at total variance with the words coming out of my mouth, and I didn't even want to do it; no response from Zelda made it all the harder.
Eventually I was looking around for something to say a good word about. My eyes fell on the dying Sabbath roses on the table. "Won't it be nice in heaven," I croaked, my throat aching as I tried to hold back tears, "where flowers never fade?" No reply. What was the point? Here I was, saying something about silly flowers! What good would it really do? The idea seemed so pathetic to my distraught mind that I had to laugh before I gave way to the tears again.
If I remember correctly, I cried for a few more minutes, and then asked Zelda what song she liked (I downloaded a few hymn tunes onto my computer). She said it didn't matter, so I played "Faith is the Victory". At one point, I asked her if there wasn't a chapter in Steps to Christ about rejoicing in the LORD, and she said she thought there was. I forget whether it was immediately or a while after I asked her that I went and looked at it, but sure enough, the last chapter was entitled "Rejoicing in the LORD".
As I read, I was reminded that we are to show that unbelievers are to be able to clearly see the character of Jesus in us, that as His followers it is our mission to let this be so. Ellen White wrote that the devil loves it when we are anything but that, because it gives a false impression of GOD's character to others. This I knew; but what was my part in changing that? I read further, and this is what she said:
"Many, walking along the path of life, dwell upon their mistakes and failures and disappointments, and their hearts are filled with grief and discouragement. While I was in Europe, a sister who had been doing this, and who was in deep distress, wrote to me, asking for some word of encouragement. The night after I had read her letter I dreamed that I was in a garden, and one who seemed to be the owner of the garden was conducting me through its paths. I was gathering the flowers and enjoying their fragrance, when this sister, who had been walking by my side, called my attention to some unsightly briers that were impeding her way. There she was mourning and grieving. She was not walking in the pathway, following the guide, but was walking among the briers and thorns. 'Oh,' she mourned, 'is it not a pity that this beautiful garden is spoiled with thorns?' Then the guide said, 'Let the thorns alone, for they will only wound you. Gather the roses, the lilies, and the pinks'" (Ibid, pg. 116)
She then went on to ask if there were no good times in our walk with Jesus, if there were not promises which we could take hold of. She wrote that when we only mention our troubles, we are not only despising GOD's goodness to us, but making life harder for others. The next paragraph sums it up quite well:
"It is not wise to gather together all the unpleasant recollections of a past life,—its iniquities and disappointments,—to talk over them and mourn over them until we are overwhelmed with discouragement. A discouraged soul is filled with darkness, shutting out the light of God from his own soul and casting a shadow upon the pathway of others" (pg. 117).
Rather, we ought to speak about the wonderful things GOD has done for us by His Son, and the precious privileges we have as a result. This honors Him, and makes Him happy, but His heart is broken when we complain and doubt, in word or deed. Not only that, but it has a poisonous effect on us and those around us, and sometimes it can't be entirely counteracted:
"All this is harming your own soul; for every word of doubt you utter is inviting Satan’s temptations; it is strengthening in you the tendency to doubt, and it is grieving from you the ministering angels. When Satan tempts you, breathe not a word of doubt or darkness. If you choose to open the door to his suggestions, your mind will be filled with distrust and rebellious questioning. If you talk out your feelings, every doubt you express not only reacts upon yourself, but it is a seed that will germinate and bear fruit in the life of others, and it may be impossible to counteract the influence of your words. You yourself may be able to recover from the season of temptation and from the snare of Satan, but others who have been swayed by your influence may not be able to escape from the unbelief you have suggested. How important that we speak only those things that will give spiritual strength and life!" (pg. 119).
What a weighty thought! I shuddered as I read it, but continued on anyway. I was reminded that heavenly intelligences are listening to what we say, and that all we say is an index to what we think of Jesus. No wonder when we meet with others we ought to praise Him!
There are a lot of gems in this small book, but I want to share one more with you:
"All have trials; griefs hard to bear, temptations hard to resist. Do not tell your troubles to your fellow mortals, but carry everything to God in prayer. Make it a rule never to utter one word of doubt or discouragement. You can do much to brighten the life of others and strengthen their efforts, by words of hope and holy cheer" (pg. 119).
For me, this was the section that cinched and strengthened my desire to do better in regards to speaking. Have I been absolutely perfect since last night? No, but I have been making more of an effort to watch what I say, and to look happy too. As a result, I feel happier-not in a boisterous way, but in a calm, serene way. I hope this post can help one of you, and I would encourage all of you to read the book that inspired this post.
Blessings,
Jean
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