Sean's Gone

Gone. I'm not going to go into details. Suffice it to say, it was a strange and sad ending. Right now it seems permanent, more permanent than it ever has. Yet, it's going to be all right.

Don't misunderstand me. I don't mean to say that everything will be ideal. I don't mean to say that in the end things will have turned out the way they should have. I can't see into the future. What I do know, however, is that whatever happens, God will have been good. That's a comfort. We humans are so frail and faulty, prone to evil, yet "he is my rock and there is no unrighteousness in him." Psalm 92:15b. People that witnessed the works that Jesus did remarked, "He hath done all things well:" (Mark 7:37) and the record is no different today.

Of His friend Abraham, God said in Genesis 18:19, "For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him." I know God, and I can rest in Who He is, regardless of the situation. Though all else fails me, even myself, He stays the same.

Sean's gone, but the good Lord remains.

Yes, all will be well.

May He bless you,
Jean

Far More Glorious

I had hope. It wasn't a hope that would have been fulfilled any time soon as far as I knew, but it remained alive. God had ways of doing things that I was totally unaware of, and if it was meant to be, things would come together. I also knew it may not be what He had in mind, and prayed accordingly.

I learned not long ago that my hope was, if all went according to what I read, dashed. I knew all along that I may be disappointed someday, but nevertheless felt it when possibility became reality. Oh, the best laid plans can change, and these won't be executed till sometime in the future. But it would be wicked to put stock into that sort of hope. Besides that, it stands so weakly!

It may be that their plans are part of God's plan to save them and do some great work through them. Who can tell? Whatever the case, one fact is absolutely certain: the salvation of each is far more important than any earthly desire of mine. Let's imagine that this scenario is true, that God did indeed orchestrate this very thing. I have the power to help or to hinder them on this journey, to love or to hate them. Love "seeketh not her own," the Bible says (1 Corinthians 13:5).

I choose to love. The success of any venture depends on God's blessing it, so I will continue to pray--and pray even more. Whatever happens, I know that some good will come from what I've decided to do. May the bigger picture never fade from view. May self be swallowed up in realizing the privilege I possess in contributing to an end far more glorious than I can imagine.

God bless,
Jean

Please Consider

I am subscribed to a YouTube channel, Special Books by Special Kids (SBSK), where people (children and adults) with different conditions are interviewed. The newest video is about Zaid, a burn survivor. His video is below. Please watch it.

Thank you, Jean

My Fall

Solomon wrote, "Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom." Proverbs 13:10.

A mixture of tiredness and pain and sadness and anger. Some of it is from circumstances beyond my control, but I'll admit I could make wiser choices at times that would lessen it. I have a part to play too, and lately I haven't been doing my best. When I get like this, it's easy for me to snap at things that I could deal with better otherwise, such as little annoyances.

Earlier was one of those times. I saw it coming too, even prayed about it. But I lost the battle. Was it because God couldn't or wouldn't help me? No! It was because I didn't stay on guard, didn't keep my focus on Him. Jesus told His disciples in Matthew 26:41, "Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." Just like Peter on the sea, I let circumstances and pride master me.

A simple question. "What?"

I tell the inquirer I'm tired.

 Yeah, they are too.

And I end up upset and I yell. The response irritated me, and instead of praying for strength to resist giving into irritation, I let that straw break my back. I fell. I didn't follow what Jesus said to do. In my state of mind, it seemed to me that the response wasn't what I should have received, and that is where the proverb shows itself to be true. If there had been no "I" in my thinking, my reaction wouldn't have been what it was.

It's no wonder Isaiah wrote, "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." (Isaiah 26:3). 

May we keep ever close to God. May we always "Watch and pray," for only then is success certain. And may we pray for each other, that we won't let our guard down.

-Jean

Reconnected

A few months ago, I wrote about Sean and my decision to leave him alone.

 I didn't write about my friend *Frank,* whom I hadn't spoken to for an even longer period than Sean. Frank walked out of my life years ago, without telling me. But I decided to reach out to him, and surprisingly, he responded promptly and amicably.

Not long after that, I messaged Sean, asking if we could be friends. Eventually he sent me a friend request (I was using Facebook then), and later we chatted. I talked with him about the letter. It turns out, he was never angry with me. He was busy making money.

Frank and I chatted about this and that, but his unexplained departure remained in my memory. Finally, one day I asked him why he did what he did. The answer? He honestly didn't remember. I experienced no revelation, no "Aha!" moment, when everything finally made sense. Instead, this bittersweet reality stared me in the face. On the one hand, there was the unpleasant fact that I carried this question in my heart for years, while he apparently dismissed the issue. On the other, the sweet knowledge that since there was no remembrance of the why on his part, it couldn't make it hard for us to be friends now. In the end, his memory loss outshines my wonder.

 

Reconnecting is a beautiful thing, but I'll admit that it hasn't been the easiest for me. We are all different and we all have faults, which can make interaction difficult at times. Yet while I realize that one day my role may have to change, at this point I'm not walking away.  My loving and longsuffering God calls me to reflect Him, the One Who handles my brokenness with tenderness, the One Who would be there for me if no one else were to stay.

"Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets." Matthew 7:12.

"This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you." John 15:12.

God bless,
Jean

An Update On My Chiropractic Journey

After contacting someone a friend told me about, things picked up. As it stands, someone else I have communicated with wanted my permission to share my story with some of her colleagues. She is coming over the house next week to meet Mom and me. We will see where it goes, but thank God for friends, and for people who take the time to try to help others! 

To Truly Love

We met in the fifth grade, and spent all of middle school together. We saw each other in high school, but after I left public school in the beginning of ninth grade, I didn't talk with *Sean* for a long time. Then I wrote him a letter of apology for all the trouble I caused in years past, and he replied by letter. The friendship resumed, and he even came over to the apartment where we lived twice. I moved to Maine, but still kept in touch with him. At times, however, we passed through periods where we didn't talk to each other. Unfortunately, smooth-sailing has never characterized our relationship. Over the years, I've hurt him and he's hurt me.

Right now, it's one of those periods. I haven't talked with Sean for a few years. We texted  quite a bit, and finally I wrote him a friendly letter, which included something about him writing me for a change (I had seen however much of the documentary Captivated around this time, and I wrote about that, even quoting from the back of the case as far as I remember). I never heard from him again, either through texting or mail. People have told me there was nothing wrong with what I did. I don't know for certain why he ignored me, what he thought or felt. Yet when I look back over the more recent past, I see failure on my part, failure to be a true Christian, a true friend, yet again.

It's true that I could reach out to Sean if I wanted. After talking to more than one person, however, I've decided to leave him alone this time. I can't say that joy filled me when I made that decision. I wanted to reach out again, wanted to make wrongs right, wanted him in my life again.

 But what if I ended up hurting Sean more by reconnecting? What if that helped lead him to turn his back on God, and eventually experience eternal death? True, he will have made those decisions. True, the strong act independently of the example of others when it comes to matters of life and death, but many people don't possess that kind of strength. Whatever I do about him will affect not only him, but also others as well, in ways I cannot tell. God alone knows all the damage I've caused others, and I don't need to cause anymore.

"This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you." John 15:12. The apostle Paul tells us in Romans 15:3, "For even Christ pleased not himself; but, as it is written, The reproaches of them that reproached thee fell on me." Jesus lived for His Father's glory and for others' good. Love motivated Him to do what was best from that standpoint, no matter what He experienced.

Love led Him to suffer for us, to endure pain and unpleasantness so we could be redeemed. "A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." Proverbs 17:17. This means, then, that I must serve my friend the best I can, even if it hurts me. At this moment, that means staying away. I know that God is working to save Sean right now, just as He is working to save me. I know He can reunite us when He sees best.

And I know that He will give me the grace to do this, to truly love, come what may.

Worth It

Right now, it feels like I'm coming up against walls in life. Dead ends.

For instance, in the past I've been to see an Upper Cervical chiropractor in Yarmouth, ME. (Let me explain here that UC chiropractors are different from other chiropractors). I don't live in southern Maine, so it's a drive to get there. I've reached out to people in my town and another about UC. After all, it would be nice if there were one closer to me. One person I emailed about public transportation to Yarmouth. Some people have responded, some not at all. The status? There isn't an UC chiropractor nearby, or anything being done to get one nearby. I haven't heard about transportation. A wall.

I've also tried to join a website so I could make Seventh-day Adventist friends around my own age. That hasn't worked out. Another wall.

It's not pleasant. And yet, if I can learn from all of this, praise God. May the first issue teach me, if anyone needs my help, to put myself in their place as much as I can, and to help them as much as I can. May it teach me to be that considerate, compassionate, empathetic person I want others to be to me. May I learn to appreciate that God has a plan, even though it may be very different from what I think of, and that it is a good plan.

From the second, let me learn to trust my Father in heaven more fully. He may be keeping me from harm as far as this website goes. Let me learn to appreciate the many friends He has given me through my time sitting in a convenience store. He didn't have to do that. I could have no friends at all. Let me remember that there are others in situations like mine. If I can do nothing else, I can pray for them.

When all is said and done, the only thing that will matter is if I reflect the character of Jesus, my Saviour. If I'm more like Him by the end of all this, it will have been worth it.

Goodbye

Note: This doesn't mean I'm not blogging anymore.

"Goodbye."

"I think it's time to say goodbye."

Goodbye. A word that can be filled with sorrow, regret, and longing. Yet that word can have sweetness too, if we let it. The sweetness lies beneath the surface, in its origin. It is a word that comes from the 1500s and is a contraction of the phrase, "God be with you!" I'm not a person that likes to cut ties, to let go (at least not today). But when I let go of people and give them to my God, it's okay.

"The LORD is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works." Psalm 145:9.

"He that loveth not knoweth not God: for God is love." 1 John 4:7.

No matter where I am, no matter where my people are, He is watching over all of us. And so, to say "goodbye" (whether literally or not) can be a comforting thing, when we remember and embrace the expression it's short for. God be with you! What more could we want?

Blessings,
Jean